Chapter 9
Raven.
~~~~
I waited for him to laugh or tell me it was a joke.
He didn't.
The room tilted violently beneath me as I turned to Dad. "I-is he saying the truth?"
"Pumpkin-"
"Just tell me if he is telling the truth." I cut him off and in response, he turned away from me. It was true. A wounded sound broke out of me.
"S...so, Mom didn't go into a coma because she gave birth to me, but because..." For many years, I had always thought that my Mom had fallen into a coma and died because of me.
Everytime I visited her in the hospital and saw her lying there with her eyes closed, I always felt a pang in my heart. There had been times I caught Dad holding her hand and crying.
Those days, I would crouch by the door and cry with him.
But now...
A soft whimper left me, even and thin. "Why did you keep it from me?" My voice cracked.
Dad didn't say a word, neither did Vance. I wrapped my arm around myself, finding it hard to breathe, I didn't even know how to feel.
Or who to blame.
Was it Vance who could have died if my Mom didn't save him or Dad who was mourning his wife and still had to care for his daughter?
"I am sorry." Vance’s voice was low. "You lost your childhood because of me."
I shook my head without responding to him. "I need to get some air." The word had barely my lips before I darted out of the office, tears rolling down my cheeks.
For Vance who had lost his childhood, for my Mom who gave up her life to save someone else and for myself, the times I had longed for her. The guilt I carried all these years.
I slid into my car and drove away from the house. My sobs filled the car as I sped through the deserted road.
Right then, the sky opened up and rain pelted down against the roof of my car.
When I couldn't drive anymore, I pulled over at the side of the road and wailed until I no longer had any tears to shed.
After that, I stayed there and watched the sunset like I would with Vance in our past life. It all finally made sense.
After I had been accused of poisoning Dad and I was taken away. Vance visited me twice, he promised to help me get out no matter what.
At the time, I finally realized that he was the only one who cared for me.
However, six months after I had been taken to that horrible place, and a day after he told me he had a lead, he was dragged into the room I was kept in.
They had beaten him brutally and he had blood all over his face. When he woke up, he sat frozen. I tried speaking to him but he wasn't responding.
A week later, he finally came back to his senses, but he never told me what had been done to him. Soon after that he was dragged back again and returned bloody. This continued for a whole year.
On days he wasn't being beaten, he was forced to watch me being beaten or tortured with drugs.
Those times were the darkest days of my life.
But he was there. Until he wasn't....
A chill ran through me at the memory.
I never understood why he would sacrifice so much for me or why he didn't blame me for being thrown into that horrible place and forced to suffer with me.
But it made sense now.
Guilt.
That was all he felt for me. The thought hurt more than I thought it would. And at that moment, I made peace with the feeling I had been oblivious to for so many months.
If all Vance felt for me was guilt, then I wouldn't know what to do, because I had long given him my heart.
I had no idea when it happened.
Maybe it was during those horrible days or the day he was killed.
That day, we had touched each other for the first time, the words we could never say had been poured into that moment of passion... But then, he was dragged away and I never saw him again.
Then Thalia told me that he had been killed. Two months after that, I was burned to death.
My nails dug into my skin at the memory. They did this to me.
And Mom.
A horrible taste flooded my mouth at the thought of her. Knowing Elio was the most horrible thing I had never experienced in my entire life.
Not only did his Dad kill my Mom, he also killed me.
A bitter laugh slipped out of me. "They sure are father and son." My grip tightened on the steering wheel till my knuckles turned white. "You killed me once." My gaze darkened. "I won't let history repeat itself."
I picked up my phone and dialed Winter's number. "We've just arrived at the police station. Have you asked your Dad about who Vincent is?"
I clutched the phone tightly. "Yes, he is Elio's father."
The piercing sound of a horn blaring echoed through the phone. "What?" She exclaimed.
"Not only that." I watched the dark sky through the window, the scattered stars in the sky mirroring how I felt. "He is Vance's abusive brother and the one who killed my Mom."
"WHAT THE FUCK!"
"You shouldn't be on your phone while driving! " I heard someone scream at her through the phone.
"Mind your fucking business." She snapped. "I am sorry, I was on the highway." She lowered her voice. "Didn't your Mom fall into a coma after giving birth to you?"
"According to Dad, that's not the whole story." I leaned back into the seat, the leather cold against my skin.
"Damn, your life has really been like an opera recently." She muttered. " Where are you right now? Are you okay?"
"I don't know." I pressed a hand to my sternum. "I feel like a mess right now."
She fell silent, I could imagine her frowning. "I have always wondered why Elio is such a scum, but it makes perfect sense now. His Dad was the dirtiest of all scums."
Elio's earlier reaction returned to me, making me sit up. "Have you found anything else against him?"
"No. I actually think what we have on him is enough to keep him in jail for at least two to three decades. Why?"
I rubbed my chest. "I feel uneasy."
"It might be because you are pregnant, my cousin also felt uneasy when she was pregnant with my niece. The bitch wouldn't stop crying and making a fuss. You are doing better than her." She sighed. "Besides, with what you just heard, it isn't entirely unreasonable. Just get some rest, okay?"
I wasn't entirely convinced, yet I nodded. "You are right." We spoke for a few more seconds before I hung up.
Unable to stay out there any longer, I returned home.
My foot paused when I spotted Vance on the couch, he was curled up in a ball, sweat dotting his forehead.
He must have fallen asleep while waiting for me to return.
The ache in my ribs grew warmer and deeper the more I gazed at him, a beautiful kind of hurt. I had never seen anyone hold others together when he himself was crumbling as much as Vance did.
I left him there and went to my room to pick up a duvet, then I returned to cover him up with it. As I turned around to walk away. He abruptly reached out and grabbed my hand.
"Don't hit her! Hit me instead." He cried. "I’ll do anything you want... Just let her go."
A strange buzz filled my head, drowning out all thoughts except his voice. These words.... They were the exact words he said each time I was whipped in my past life.
~P-Lia~
Chapter 10
Raven.
~~~~
Numbness spread through my hands despite the racing of my pulse.
How did he know these words?
A thought slithered its way into my mind. Was he also reborn?
No!
If he really was reborn, Vance wouldn't have been so shocked when I attacked Elio two weeks ago.
"No! Please no!" He whimpered, holding me tighter.
For some reason, I was unwilling to let him be alone, so I sat by his side and pulled his head on my lap. Then I began running my hand through his hair. It always worked whenever he had nightmares in the past.
Vance curled into my hold, his body slowly easing. However, when I expected him to continue sleeping, he suddenly jerked awake, eyes wide with fear.
He stood still for a while, as if trying to process everything.
Even at this time, his thumb still rested on the ring I gave him as if seeking comfort from it. "You okay?" I asked, cupping his cheeks. He flinched slightly, however, when he saw that it was me, his eyes widened.
"Raven..." The word came out breathlessly. "You..." He scanned me. "You are okay... You are not."
My eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?" The back of my hands touched his forehead. "You are burning up!" I exclaimed, wanting to stand up. He held me back.
"I am fine." Vance shook head, brows drawn together. "I just... I had a nightmare."
"How can you be fine? Yo-"
"Don't go. Just... Just stay... Please. "
My gaze softened. With a nod, I relaxed on the couch and Vance returned his head to my lap, a grimace making its way up his face.
Silence lingered in the air.
The light in the room was dimly lit, and with morning a few hours from now, no one was there except us.
"How did... How did my Mom die?" It took me a while to ask those words.
Vance tensed. " I-"
"I want to know everything to the last detail." I whispered.
"Your Dad, your Mom, Vincent, Martha, and I grew up in the same orphanage."He began. "Three years before they became adults, the orphanage lost its funding and we were thrown out..."
Vincent was a year older than the others and six years older than him.
He told me of how they all slept on the streets until Dad, Mom, Martha and Vincent got a job, then they all moved to a different apartment.
He told me of how Vincent used to be the best brother in the world. Overprotective, selfless, a little careless and a bit grumpy.
But he wasn't that bad. Until he turned sixteen, and Vance fell ill. Vincent did everything he could to raise money but the little he got from working as a cashier was too little to pay for a consultation for him.
In his bid to make more money, he stole from a cartel. He went into hiding for a year, but by the time he returned, he had become an entirely different person. He did drugs, smoked and even became more violent.
For four years, Vance endured his beating. On days it was fair, he either got a concussion or a broken bone and on days it was worse, he would be too badly bruised to even breathe.
"The day it happened. I hid his drugs." He looked away to hide the tears shimmering in his eyes. "I was just fifteen. I thought that hiding his drugs would bring him back to his senses. It only made things worse. I thought I was going to die. Then your Mom found us and..."
The sight of his tears brought a stabbing pain in my heart. "She saved you." I whispered.
"She tried, your Mom, Reya was his best friend, he always listened to her, even after he changed, he would make me hide my bruises from her. But that day... Vincent was too lost in his head to listen. He had his hand around my neck, Reya tried to pry his hand off..." Vance paused, swallowing hard as though the memory alone hurt.
"He flung her away and she tumbled down the stairs. She was eight months pregnant at the time. By the time he realized what he had done, it was too late." A pause. "There was blood, lots of blood."
I connected the dots. "She fell into premature labor?" It was a lot to take in.
"I never hated Vincent. Not even once." He whispered. "If anything, I blamed myself. If only he hadn't tried to save me, his life wouldn't have been ruined. Your Mom wouldn't have died. "
Not knowing what to say, I stayed quiet, my gaze fixed on the wall across us.
We remained this way until morning broke through. The echo of footsteps pulled me out of my slumber. Dad walked down the stairs, a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Our eyes met and his feet paused. I gently lifted Vance's head off my lap and placed it on the sofa, then walked over to him. "Pumpkin, i-"
"Are you still angry about what happened between me and Vance?" I didn't want him to force himself to speak to me out of guilt.
If after everything that had happened, he was still angry with me, then I saw no reason to speak to him. Especially not after he had lied to me all my life about Mom's death.
He glanced at Vance. "I don't know what I feel anymore. But I know that I don't want to lose either of you."
"You won't."
Dad leaned over and pulled me into his arms. "I don't blame you, Raven. I just hate myself for failing to be the father you needed."
Eyes closed, I hugged him back, letting his warmth calm the storm within me. "You can't place all the blame on yourself. I did something wrong after all. I just wish you had told me the truth about Mom's death."
Dad detached from the hug, his hand slipping into mine after which led me to the bar. "You must hate me for keeping everything from you."
"I don't... I just... I shouldn't have had to find out this way. Not after spending my whole life thinking she died because of me."
"Your Mom... She was such a kind soul. She wouldn't have been happy to watch her child growing up with hatred for a monster like Vincent." He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Your Mom would still be here today if I had done something about this then, but I was such a coward."
I leaned into his touch. "My Dad isn't a coward, he's just too hot-headed."
A chuckle slipped out of him. "Your Mom always said the same too." His hand returned to his side.
"C... Can you tell me about her?"
Dad placed the glass on the table with a soft clink. "What do you want to know?"
"Everything..."
"I met your mum when I turned ten..." We spent the whole morning talking about Mom and her mischievousness, it turns out that I had gotten my loving nature from her.
It was a pity that I loved the wrong person and ended up dead. I still found it unbelievable that I was reborn.
Vance woke up and joined us. As they spoke, the room was bathed in a bright light, I laughed, I cried, it felt like the darkness shrouding my entire life had been replaced with the sunrise.
Dad was too exhausted to have lunch with us, so Vance and I sent him to his room. When we sat down for lunch, Vance was quietly picking out the carrots from his food.
"You hate carrots?"
Vance looked up. "I never liked them."
"Why?"
A grimace made its way up his face. "They look like soggy orange fingers."
"You are thirty-seven but you think that way?" My brow rose.
"What, don't you also think so?"
I shook my head, trying hard to hold my laughter.
He raised a brow, then shuddered. "Well, I keep expecting them to wiggle."
I couldn't help but laugh. This very tall, brooding man was apparently terrified of carrots.
Perhaps it was the bright morning, but my chest felt lighter for the first time since my rebirth. "I don't blame you."
His hand paused. Slowly, he looked up at me. "Y-You don't?"
"I don't, so you shouldn't blame yourself either. For your brother's action and Mom's death." I reached out and held his hand. "I am already grown now. If the only reason you are with me is because you feel guilty, then-"
"It's not guilt." His interruption made me pause.
"Not guilt?"
His gaze flickered to the ring on his finger. " I-i"
His words were interrupted by hurried footsteps. "Ma'am." Neil, a maid I had hired specifically to watch Aurora hurried over.
Immediately I saw her, I had the horrible sense that things were about to go very wrong. I was on my feet the next moment. "Aren't you supposed to watch Aurora? Why are you here?"
She was breathing heavily as she said. "I-I just saw Aurora slip something into a drink and take it to Mr Knight's room"
~P-Lia~
Chapter 11
~Raven.
~~~~
I was on my feet before the words could leave her mouth.
My breath was ragged as I bolted towards Dad's room. I had been so caught up in last night's mess to remember that Aurora would make her move.
In my past life, she had drugged Dad and accused him of forcing himself on her. And because he was powerless to protect himself, everybody believed her, including me.
He had been forced to marry her, this was what gave her the chance to begin poisoning him. I could hear my own pulse pounding in my ears with each heartbeat.
It felt like forever before his room finally appeared before my eyes. I yanked the door open to see the most horrible sight in my life.
A half naked Aurora straddled Dad, a smile on her face as she took off his clothes. Furry like I had never felt before ignited within me. I ran over to her and shoved her off the bed with all my might. She dropped to the ground with a loud yelp.
"Dad, are you okay?" I reached out to him.
But Dad grabbed my hand and shook his head. "Leave..." His voice was strained, like he was holding himself back.
Vance arrived by my side at this moment. "What's going on here?"
"It's her!" I jerked my hand towards Aurora who was trying to cover herself up. "She drugged my Dad!" I lunged for her, swinging my hand with all my strength.
SMACK.
The sound echoed through the whole room, yet it wasn't enough to calm the rage burning through me. The force of my next slap rang through the room, accompanied by my yells. "You bitch! How dare you drug my Dad?"
Aurora was as pale as moonlight as she scampered to her knees. "No, I didn't mean to..."Her eyes darted around as if seeking for help. "I- he- this-"
"Shut up." I grabbed her hair and pulled it as hard as I could. Aurora screamed in pain, instantly shoving me away.
She was stronger than I imagined, I crashed into the glass figurines Dad had made for my tenth birthday. The glass shattered with a sharp crash.
A scream bubbled out of me as the glass pierced through my skin.
"Raven!" Vance was by my side instantly. “Are you okay?" My knees wobbled as he helped me to my feet.
Heart racing, I pressed a hand to my stomach.
That was close, too close. What if they had taken my baby away from me once again?
I didn't know what I would do if I lost my baby in this life too.
For a heartbeat, I stayed still, a hand pressed to my stomach, just drinking in the fact that I didn't lose it.
Then...
My head snapped to Aurora who was staring at her hands as if she couldn't imagine that she had done that. I didn't buy her act. I was about to walk over to her when Dad suddenly fell into a couching fit.
I rushed to his side. "Dad... Are you okay?" He shook his head, but his back rattled with how hard he was coughing. "Do you need some water?" I asked, patting his back gently.
Vance brought a glass of water. "Here, drink this."
Shakily, Dad reached out to take the glass, however, another cough bursted out of him. This time, he doubled over, hand clamped over his mouth until the cough turned into a wheeze.
When he removed his hand from his mouth. Dark, red blood was on his hand. "I-is that B-Blood?"
Fine tremors shook my fingers as the cold metallic tang of terror burned in my throat.
For a moment, I found myself in a different setting. The same room, same sight. Yet, I didn't get to mourn him before I was dragged away as the murder.
My spine tingled, the sounds around me becoming muffled.
It was like I was out of my own body as I watched Vance drop the glass of water in his hand and grabbed Dad's hand to get a better look. "Blood." He breathed, gaze locking with Dad.
Then. Aurora giggled.
A giggle that turned into a full blown laugh. "Did you think I drugged him?" Her shoulders shook, a crazed laugh clinging to her face.
My body spun to face her, resentment tangling with terror. "It was you!" I heard myself accusing her, then lunging. Fortunately, Vance was quick enough. He wrapped his hand around me to hold me back. "Let go of me!" I screamed, fighting against him.
"Get yourself together, Raven." He snapped. "Your Dad hasn't been taken to the hospital and you are also hurt, if you won't think about yourself, think of the baby."
His muffled words made my body stop struggling. My mouth moved, but my voice only didn't sound like mine, tears of bitterness rolling down my cheeks. "Yes. H-hospital."
I was about to walk towards the door. Vance pulled me back to where Dad was. "Raven!" He shook my shoulders. "Get yourself together."
I jolted awake, my senses returning. "Dad." I ran to his side. "Help me lift him, please." He was now convulsing. If we didn't take him to the hospital soon, he might not make it.
"Help me carry him on my back." Vance crouched down and I did as he asked.
Aurora was still laughing as we rushed out of the room. "He is going to die! He deserves it!" She screamed after us, her voice cracking. "What makes you all think you can live a happy life while I suffer?"
"Don't let her get away until the cops arrive." Alfred had been absent since the day before yesterday, so I could only entrust Aurora to Neil.
We arrived at the hospital as fast as we could. Right as Dad was being wheeled into the ICU, a call came in from the police station. "The suspect won't speak unless she sees you." They informed me.
"Can you stay with Dad? I am needed at the station."
"I am coming with you."
"No. Dad needs someone to be here with him."
"And you need someone to be there for you too."
I shook my head. "I understand that you want to be there for us, but there is only one you, Vance. And I would rather have you stay with Dad than anyone else. Please."
He turned away. "If I don't see you in an hour, I am coming to find you."
"Thank you." I whispered. Standing on my tiptoes, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his lips.
The kiss was only brief but it had everything I wanted to say in it. And for the first time, he responded to my kiss and held me like I was something fragile that he couldn't lose.
"Be careful. Your Dad needs you, and I need you too."
"I will." A smile tugged at my lips. I hesitated a little, tempted to stay in his warmth, but that might just make me do the one thing I didn't want to do. Cold night air hit me the instant I walked out of the hospital and my smile fell.
Coldness flashed in my eyes.
I had been too careless this time. Maybe I was being too soft. To deal with these people, I had to treat them the exact way they had treated me.
Thankfully, I had been making preparations a long time ago.
A cruel smile spread on my lips.
It was finally time.
~P-Lia~
Chapter 12
~ Raven.
~~~~
The first thing I did before walking into the police station was to put on a jacket. The cops led me straight into the interrogation room.
On seeing her again, the rage brewing within me exploded."You bitch! I will kill you!" My neck muscle corded with the force of the scream.
The cops didn't get to stop me in time, I lunged for her and began to claw at her and hit her anywhere I could.
The cops tried to pull us away, but I didn't let go, and Aurora also fought back. They held her down, giving me the chance to deliver a final blow.
Aurora screamed, struggling to get out of the restraint. "Ma'am, you need to calm down or we are going to have to ask you to leave." A female, black cop demanded, only then did I stop trying to attack her.
"I am sorry." I whispered, using the back of my hand to wipe the tears that had slipped down my cheeks.
Aurora didn't deserve it.
"Would you like to step out for a moment?"
I shook my head. "No... I... I am fine." The female cop nodded, yet she still made me step out for fresh air before I was allowed to return to the interrogation room
"Dad and I treated you so well. Why did you do it?" After my explosion earlier, I never imagined that I would be able to stay in the same room with the woman who murdered my Dad.
Yet here I was, staring calmly at Aurora.
She had grown pale in just a matter of minutes.
We were just a table apart. She was handcuffed while I wasn't. I could push the table aside and attack her, but I didn't.
Not after what I had done earlier.
A short, biting laugh left her lips as she tilted her head slightly.
"Good to me?" She scoffed. "What use is that when all it does is remind me of how inferior I am?"
"Inferior?" I spat. " You poisoned my Dad just because you felt inferior?"
Aurora slammed her hand on the table, pupils dilated like a druggie desperately in need of a shot.
"Why do you have to have all the good things I don't? My own mother dumped me because my father said I wasn't useful. They loved my brother over me, and finally. When I thought I could prove useful to them, you just had to ruin everything." She screamed the last part.
"You fucked up so many times but your foolish father still cared for you. And Vance? the only person to ever say I mattered said it because of you. I am more beautiful, more intelligent, then why? Why does everyone treat you like something precious but look down on me?"
During the time I stepped out, I had been second guessing my action, but with everything she had said. What I did was nowhere near enough to make her pay for all she had done.
I laughed, fingers tapping against the table. "So that is what we died for? Just jealousy?"
Aurora's face contorted. "Jealousy? Your Father ruined my Dad's life." She screamed. "If it weren't for him, my Dad wouldn't have become who he is now."
I leaned forward. "What do you mean?"
"Did you not know?" She chuckled, her words slurring. "You really think the Knight's empire was built by Vance Cobalt and Mr Knight alone? It wasn't. My Dad designed the blueprint for the company." Her face twisted in rage. "But they framed him, they sent him to a rehab to burn to death."
I frowned. Her words sounded familiar, too familiar
My spine tingled, making me sit straighter. There was only one person Dad spoke about sending to rehab. "Your Dad. Who is he?"
"Vincent Cobalt." She slurred and my heart lurched.
Vincent?
The man who killed my mother.
The man Dad said had died a long time ago. I sucked in a deep breath. If Aurora was speaking the truth, then... Vincent was alive, and he was the one behind my death in my past life.
I leaned back into the chair, my arms wrapped around my middle. It all finally made sense.
Her closeness with Elio, the way I had died in my past life. I had more questions to ask, yet the words never came. My lips parting softly and then closing again.
For a heartbeat, I wondered if Dad and Vance had lied to me. Because if they had, then I would at least know that I had been killed in my last life because of the sins my Dad committed.
If not...
Then Vincent was insane. He killed my mother and he still wouldn't let her daughter be.
Suddenly, Aurora jerked in her seat, her body convulsing.
I jumped to my feet, eyes wide. "W-What is wrong with her?" I inquired.
The female cop and the others rushed to check on her. Right then, chaos descended in the space as they tried to find out what was wrong with her.
"We don't know. Why don't you step out for a while." The female cop suggested and I did as she asked. A few minutes later, Aurora was wheeled out of the interrogation room.
I quickly stopped the female cop, brow pulled together in a frown. "What happened to her?"
"Do you know if the suspect had been taking drugs before she was brought here?"
I shook my head. "Not that I know of."
She frowned.
I glanced at the exit as Aurora was being wheeled away. "Are you saying that she's like that because she is a druggie?"
"It isn't confirmed yet."
I pressed my lips into a thin line. "Maybe that is why she did everything she did."
"Her actions are hers alone, taking drugs doesn't affect that."
I stayed with her for a while before asking if I could leave and check up on Dad. She allowed me to leave.
I hid the tremble in my body well, even when I walked to the car, my legs didn't wobble. However, immediately I arrived at the hospital and saw Vance, my facade broke.
I collapsed to the floor right by his feet.
"Raven!" Vance ran to my side. "What is wrong with you?" Tears blurred my vision of him as I slowly opened my palm to reveal what I had been clutching since I left the police station.
An empty syringe.
Vance paled once he saw it. "Raven... Why are you holding this?"
Silence.
His eyes locked with mine. Stiff and filled with horror. "Raven... What have you done?"
~P-Lia~
Chapter 13
~ Raven.
~~~~
"I-" My lips quivered as I fought hard to hold back my tears. "I-i injected Aurora with it."
He blanched. "You what?"
I didn't dare look in his eyes. He must think I am a monster now. And to be honest- i didn't see myself as anything less.
"Tell me you are lying." I didn't respond. His eye brow shot up in horror, forehead creasing into a deep line of disbelief as his eyes darted towards the syringe. "Raven... Do you know what you have done?"
"I know..." The word tumbled out of me, my body curling inward. "I know."
Vance stared at the empty syringe in silence as if expecting it to disappear. Those few minutes of silence felt like forever. "Where did you get it?"
"The dark web."
He ran a hand over his face. "This isn't something you should have or even know about. How... Why did you get this? Why?"
I stared at my own hands, unable to respond..
A day after my rebirth. I had visited a dark website to get this. It was the same drug that Elio had injected in me in my past life.
Not only did I know the dosage that would turn a sane person into an obedient dog that responds to everything they are told, I also knew that the side effects would make people violent.
"I-i am a horrible person." I sobbed. "I thought hurting her would make me feel better. B-but-"
A shudder ran through him and he closed his eyes, when he opened them again, the horror was still there, so was concern. "Come here."
I stared at his open arms with blurry eyes. Then I uncurled from my fetal position and shuffled into his arms.
He pulled me into his chest, strong hands wrapped around me.
Before going into the police station, I had been certain that doing this would heal the pain and hurt Aurora caused in my past life.
However, after returning to the hospital and seeing Vance, I realized that maybe revenge isn't always about making those who hurt me experience the same thing I did.
"Come, let's get you seated." He helped me off the cold ground and led me to the waiting chair.
Once I was seated. He calmly grabbed the syringe from my trembling hand and shoved it in his pocket, then he brought out a handkerchief and began cleaning my hands.
"You shouldn't have done this." A pause. "But after what Aurora did, I understand why you thought you needed to do this." The soft fabric was soon replaced with warm hands. "Now. I want you to ask yourself, does it make you feel any better?"
Does it?
Lips parted, I tried to make out a response yet nothing but a shaky breath left me.
"Raven?" His voice was muffled by the haze taking over my thoughts.
I shouldn't have done this.
I should have allowed the law to deal with her. Why? Why did I have to become vicious?
"Raven?!"
Different thoughts filled my head. I didn't understand why I couldn't be as cruel as Elio and Aurora.
Why couldn't I rejoice after hurting her? Why did I feel only anguish at my action? I hated it, I hated the guilt eating me up, I hated that cruelty didn't come easy to me.
My grip on reality began to fade, and Vance disappeared from my vision.
Did Aurora deserve it?
"What are you thinking, Raven?" A voice that sounded too much like mine snapped. "She killed your Dad, she made you suffer in that hellhole. And even after your rebirth, she almost took your dad from you once again.
Why should you pity her?
Why does she deserve mercy when you got none?
Why is she allowed to live while you have to suffer? "
Without warning, I found myself back in the place I had died. It was like I was out of my own body, watching each memory unfold without being able to interfere.
First, there was the first day I spent in the psychiatric hospital. When I crawled to Aurora, asking her why she did this to me.
My mind was still in disbelief, unable to process anything. She had been pregnant with my Dad's baby after drugging him.
She was more than a sister to me.
The memory faded, replaced with another one. This time, I was tied to a chair, a huge tub of water in front of me. And Aurora watched as the doctors dipped my head into the water. A shiver ran through me.
The feeling of being submerged in water, helpless, unable to breathe still haunted me to this day.
"See? After all she has done, does she still deserve your pity?" A distorted voice came from behind me, making me turn.
However, when I laid my eyes on the figure before me, my heart did a sharp thump, my feet dragged against the floor with how fast I recoiled.
It was me.
But unlike I was right now, this woman before me was burnt beyond repair. Her eyes, deep brown just like mine, were filled with hatred.
Too much hatred that made her look like a resentful spirit.
My hand slammed against my mouth, bile rising up my throat as tears shimmered in my eyes. "They did this to us, Raven." She croaked, moving towards me in slow, anguished steps. "The pain runs deep in my bones. I can't even close my eyes when it becomes too much." She whispered.
I couldn't move or say a word when she got right in front of me.
"You have to make them pay." Resentment turned her already distorted voice into a scream. "Don't be soft, don't feel pity." Her hand covered mine. The burnt flesh soft against my skin, yet cold, as though I was being touched by ice. "Everytime you do, remember this pain."
My teeth sank into my flesh when a sudden, unexplainable pain flooded my veins. I jerked, a scream bubbling out of my throat.
It was like I was reliving that horrible day I had died.
"Can you hear me? Raven!" Vance's call reached my ears and I was yanked out of the trance I had been.
The pain followed me back.
My nails dug into my skin in an attempt to hold back the scream threatening to spill out of me.
Green blue eyes met mine. Conflicted, as if he didn't know what to do with me. I looked away with much difficulty. "I... don't regret... it."
His grip on me tightened, he grabbed my shoulders and turned him to face him. Brows snapping together. "You hurt someone, Raven. Don't you feel even a bit of remorse?"
"No!" The pain running through my veins made me snap. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run, at the same time, I wanted to stay in his embrace.
Vance's shoulders dropped. "You don't know the things that drugs do to people." No, I know that too well. "It messes with your mind, makes you go through your worst nightmare. She's already in prison, she's already going to be punished by the law-"
"The law can't make her pay for her sins!!" I bursted out. "Aurora deserves hell for what she did to us. Dad almost died again because of her. I don't even know if he will survive yet, but Aurora… " My eyes searched his. "She is not dying, Vance. I only hurt her a little."
I reached out to touch him as though it would make him understand me.
He shook his head while taking a step back. My hand hung in the air. "This is not the Raven I know." My expression fell as I watched him glance at the ring I had given him. "You are not the same girl who pulled me out of my dark world."
When Vance returned his gaze back to me, I was taken aback by the hardness I saw in them. "What have they done to you?" He reached out for me, then stopped, his hand falling back to his side. "The Raven I know wouldn't have poisoned someone. Even after what Aurora did."
A pause.
"Make me understand why you have changed so much."
~P-Lia~
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